i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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