I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Randomize
