How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
