you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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