I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
