Is it normal to miss your booty call?
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
