she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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