I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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