My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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