I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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