Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
