"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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