What a fucking waste of an outfit
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
i just had sex bonerless
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
