I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Randomize
