I like to think it a success when the cops are called
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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