You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
