I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
and she was petting her beer can
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Randomize
