I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
