can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I just want to make out with him forever
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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