it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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