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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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