mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
