I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Randomize
