I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
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