I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
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Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
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I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I am available for nakedness
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
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