last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
