I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
