I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
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