hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
