So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
