so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
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