Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Randomize
