dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
