overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
