The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
i came on her dog
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Randomize
