Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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