Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
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