i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Randomize