I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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