If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
