We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
