I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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