Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
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