i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
operation have a gay friend backfired
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
