It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
