u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I see more hoeing in ur future
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