Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
A+ Viking dick
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
