dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
