I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize