He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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