UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
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And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
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I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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