new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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