he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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