There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
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