You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Randomize
