Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Randomize
