C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
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