New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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