Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
