Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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