i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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